With barely 3 sleeps to go until departure day, I am wondering at my inactiveness. I haven't packed anything and everything I intend to take with me is sitting around the house. Meanwhile, I am sitting around doing nothing to improve the situation. For nearly a week we have been going through an unseasonal heatwave which has slowed down my brain and body. All I want is to go to sleep and have a cold, peaceful world around me with no hassles.
The truth is that I am not looking forward to this trip. I should be feeling excited, elated. I have waited 3 years. Every day has been like a painful eternity. And now, just days away, I seem to be frozen inside. My brain has stopped thinking and my heart feels empty. All I can think of is how much I want to get away from this place for good. How the time has come to make some big decisions that will affect the rest of my life. But also, there is so much uncertainty. I look around me at my safe world and I wonder if I can ever actually leave it. People with adventurous, encouraging parents could probably do it, if they really wanted to. But my parents are so adamant that I don't move away that they have said such things to me that have embittered my spirit and robbed me of all joy, courage, hope and optimism. Now all I see around me is darkness and despair. I don't know which way to turn; nobody is reaching out a helping hand to me, I am completely alone. I know my own strength; if only someone else could see it too and guide me and give me encouragement to follow my dreams, instead of making me feel like a fool.
Call my desire to live in Greece for awhile a foolish one. I actually believe it is, myself. Foolish. But the alternative is to stay where I am and that has been making me so depressed I want to die. I look around me and nobody cares. People are anywhere but here. There is no-one, no-one. This whole place is one big dead-end.
If I can be bothered before I chop my Internet connection, I will post again before I leave. Hopefully the next post will be a bit more cheerful. I wish all my readers well.
3 comments:
Kalo taxidi! You'll be fine, you have the will to succeed-so you will. Good luck and I'll look for your 1st post from Greece! (I hope that you don't have to wait too long for a connection!!)Again, good luck!
...let your dreams guide you, let your wishes me your mentors, let yourself move with the waves ... just be you and you will be fine ... and don't forget make the most of every moment ... keep in touch ...
Thank you both so much! That is SO encouraging. I will keep in touch with you on your blogs. Hope all is fantastic with you and you're enjoying the springtime! I will join you soon! *hugs* =)
Post a Comment